Lonely Christmas
by XxWingedxAngelxX
Summary: Darien feels lonely around Christmas as usual, and Andrew suggests he gets a girlfriend. When Darien realizes he likes Serena, Serena comes to him looking for a favor. Can Darien fulfill her wish at the expense of his own happiness?
1. Denial

Lonely Christmas - Chapter 1 - Denial  
  
So it's that time of the freaking year again.  
  
Snow days, decorations of wreaths and lights, sales in every store, carolers, sleigh riding, presents, the smell of pine trees. Ornaments. Eggnog. Stockings.  
  
I hate every minute of it. Bah humbug.  
  
Honestly, Christmas is such a waste of time and money, and makes those who don't have a family feel that much more lonely. And that was what I was trying to explain to my friend Andrew.  
  
"But you're wrong, Darien!" Andrew argues.  
  
We have this discussion every year...and every year, I always win. I'm always left alone in my apartment, while I hear the kids next store playing happily with whatever "Santa" gave them.  
  
Then comes the usual invitation.  
  
"You know you're more than welcome..." Andrew starts.  
  
"...to join you and your family for the holidays. I know, I know." I say miserably. I know I'm being stupid about this, burdening my best friend year after year, but I can't help it. "It's your family's time...I don't want to feel like the odd one out."  
  
"Which is why you need to get a girlfriend!" Andrew exclaims. I raise my eyebrow and gave him a 'yeah right' look.  
  
"Look who's talking," I mutter. Andrew sighs.  
  
And then I give him my take on women. Again.  
  
"Women suck," I said flatly as I watch Andrew roll his eyes, "Seriously. They're only out for money and gifts, and then when they get tired of you, they leave you for someone else. Rinse and repeat."  
  
"Not all women suck, and you know it," Andrew says, shaking his head. I open my mouth to say something, but he continues, "Give me one 'sucky' thing about Serena."  
  
I sigh, resting my head on my cheek, looking up at him. "Just one?" I ask. He nods. I feel like I can go on forever on the subject as I take a deep breath. "She's a crybaby."  
  
"So she's a bit overdramatic sometimes," he says. I can't help but chuckle at the understatement. "She means well, though...she only cries at times when she hurts herself or feels bad for others. Is that so bad?"  
  
"...Well no, I guess not..."  
  
"So that doesn't count. Give me another example."  
  
I ponder this for a second. "She's got an annoying laugh."  
  
"Oh, it's not that bad!" Andrew argues thoughtfully, "and laughing is a sign that she's having fun."  
  
"She's clumsy."  
  
"Yeah, but if she was your girlfriend, that could work to your advantage...if she fell, you could catch her and wrap her in your arms..."  
  
My eyebrow shoots up again. "Do you have a thing for her, Andrew?" I snicker.  
  
Andrew glares at me. "No! God Darien, I'm just trying to help you here. Cut me some slack!"  
  
My grin doesn't leave my lips as I shake my head, sliding off my stool. I pay for my hot chocolate. "I'll see you later."  
  
As I walk down the street it begins to snow a bit. I stick my hands in my pockets. I can't wait to get home, take a hot shower, and just go to bed. God, I hate the holiday season...it makes me even more depressed and lonely than usual.  
  
Deep in thought, I didn't even anticipate the impact this time.  
  
"Oof!" I cry, stumbling back a bit. I open my eyes to see Serena on the floor, rubbing her nose gingerly. I sigh. How annoying! "Can't you watch where you're going and walk at the same time, Meatball Head?" I ask.  
  
Serena glares up at me with an expression I'm all too used to seeing. "Sorry, Darien..." she mumbles. I watch her as she gets up and dusts herself off, eyeing me with annoyance one more time before continuing past me. Chuckling, I walk on.  
  
Andrew's and my conversation replays in my head, and I try to think of something bad about Serena that Andrew can't give me an excuse for. I think about our encounter that happened just seconds ago...she apologized for colliding with me even after I called her 'Meatball Head'...and I was just so annoyed with the fact that she hit me that I didn't even bother to help her up.  
  
What the hell is the matter with me?  
  
I sigh as I reach into my pocket and pull out my apartment key, Serena still fresh on my mind as I walk into my building. I think about the collision, imagining different ways the encounter could have gone. I can't help but think of what it may have felt like to have caught Serena, holding her tight to my form as she clung to me, head against my chest. She would look up to me slowly, apologize, and we would let go of each other.  
  
My heart wrenched, and I blinked in surprise at my body's reaction. Something inside me is telling me that I wouldn't want to let go of her fragile, delicate form.  
  
These thoughts are scaring me. I open my door and walk into my apartment, shutting the door quickly behind me, as if that would stop thoughts of Serena from following me inside. 


	2. The Promise

Lonely Christmas - Chapter 2 - The Promise  
  
What are these feelings I've been having?  
  
'Dammit, Andrew,' I think to myself, 'Why did you have to tell me Serena would be a good girlfriend for me?'  
  
I can't get her off my mind. As hard as I try, that stupid, clumsy, meatball-headed, annoying, not-so-bad, loving, caring, beautiful...there I go again!  
  
Serena really is a great girl, now that I give it some thought. I smile just thinking about her for the millionth time today.  
  
'But these stupid butterflies in the pit of my stomach really need to go, God dammit!' I grip my stomach as if it's in pain and lay on my couch. I sigh. Could I really be falling for Meatball Head?  
  
'Don't call her that!' I scold myself, 'If you really do like her, you should try and at least be a little nicer to her...'  
  
Love is so stressful.  
  
~*~*~  
  
After over an hour of getting ready...which usually takes me 20 minutes...I walk out of my door and head to Crown Arcade. Not to see Andrew, but in hopes to see Serena this time. Today I'll start trying to be nicer to her, and hopefully by the time Christmas comes I won't have to spend it alone...  
  
The Crown doors slide open and I walk inside. Much to my delight, Serena is sitting in her usual spot, talking happily to Andrew as she sips a milkshake. Strawberry is her favorite...step one to getting a girl: know what she likes. But what the hell do I know about love?  
  
I take a seat next to my favorite little Meatball Head...erm, I mean, Serena...and give both she and my best friend a friendly smile. "Hey Andrew, Serena," I say, though 'Meatball Head' almost slips off my tongue. I see Serena blink with confusion in those gorgeous blue orbs of hers.  
  
"Hey, Darien..." she says in a surprised voice. I chuckle in my head. She's so cute!  
  
"What can I get you, Dar?" Andrew asks. He also looks surprised...what, can't I be nice to a girl that I've realized I have a crush on every once in a while?  
  
"Eh, hot chocolate would be great, thanks," I say, and while he turns to get my beverage, I look to Serena. "Cold out there, eh?"  
  
Serena nods, taking another large sip of her milkshake.  
  
Uhh...what else should I say? "I don't know how you're drinking such a cold drink when it's snowing outside," I say rather nervously. God, get a little dorkier, Darien. Way to woo the girl.  
  
Serena merely shrugs and smiles. "Andrew makes really good milkshakes, what can I say?"  
  
I just laugh softly, looking down at the counter. 'Think, you idiot!' I yell at myself. I've never been so nervous in front of anyone before...I sure wish those butterflies would stop, though. "So umm...doing anything interesting for Christmas?" I ask. Damn...I must really like the girl to bring up my least favorite holiday in the entire world. I thank Andrew as he sets my drink down, and he goes to help some other customers.  
  
I see Serena's eyes light up. "My family always has a huge feast on Christmas!" she exclaims. I smile. "And we always get great presents. This year I didn't ask for very much, though. I don't know why, but I really don't want anything too big this year... that comes in a package, anyway."  
  
"Oh?" I ask, interested. "What is it you want, then? If it doesn't come wrapped up?"  
  
Serena flushes and looks into her drink, stirring it nervously. "Nothing," she says as a goofy grin appears across her lips. I chuckle, but I'm still curious as to what she could possibly want. I don't want to look like an idiot, though, so I let it go.  
  
She continues telling me about Christmas at her house, and I sit there and think about how nice this is. I'd never really had a civil conversation with Serena before, and yet I'd known her for well over a year and I've seen her practically every day. Thinking about it, I just want to start beating myself up for not being nicer to the angel that sits in front of me...but then she'd think I was just a bit weird.  
  
"What about you, Darien? What do you do for Christmas?"  
  
I'm a bit taken aback by the question, but I guess I should have seen it coming. Like she did with her milkshake before, I stare into my own drink. I take a small sip, thinking of how to answer that question.  
  
"I...uhh..." I take a napkin and wipe off the hot chocolate mustache I just gave myself. Serena giggles. "...I don't really do much of anything, actually."  
  
Serena's giggle fades quickly, and she looks up at me with astounded eyes. "You don't do...anything?" she asks in disbelief. I confirm her question by nodding my head. She frowns. "Oh Darien, that's so sad!"  
  
I shrug, beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable. "It's not that bad, I guess..."  
  
It's then that Andrew comes waltzing back. I'm both relieved and annoyed at this; part of me was glad that I could change the subject with Andrew being there, but part of me wanted to have our alone time together forever.  
  
"This one hates Christmas, the Scrooge," Andrew explains, motioning to me. I curse him in my head.  
  
"But you can't hate Christmas!" Serena says in quite possibly the most stressed-out voice I've ever heard her use, "You just can't! Darien, I'll show you a great Christmas this year, I promise."  
  
I blink, and my heart soars. Just those words had already made my Christmas season! God, I've been so mean to her for as long as I can remember, and yet she's willing to spend time with me this December...  
  
I think I'm in love with this girl. 


	3. Confession

I walk home happier than I've ever been before in my life. I don't even mind the snow, or the decorations, or the kids happily pelting each other with snowballs. I'm happier than all of these things put together.  
  
The feelings that are inside me can't be anything else but love. I've fallen in love with Serena, and by God I don't know how I couldn't have realized it sooner. Just the thought of her name makes my insides twist and turn, and she gives me such a warm feeling inside...  
  
And I would be spending a majority of my December with her!  
  
Life is so good.  
  
The scene of what just happened at the Crown Arcade doesn't leave my mind. "We'll go shopping!" she said to me, "And bake Christmas cookies! And decorate a Christmas tree! We can even make homemade ornaments too if you want. Have you ever strung popcorn before? I usually eat it before we can put in on the tree!"  
  
I laugh to myself, and as a result, turn a couple of heads. I couldn't care less. I'm in love with Serena!  
  
~*~*~  
  
I feel like a giggly schoolgirl. I've began to catch myself humming Christmas carols...they're quite catchy, aren't they? I love Christmas!  
  
I dance around like an idiot to my humming...thank God no one else could see me. I swipe a comb off of my dresser and pull it through my hair, bobbing up and down in front of the mirror. "Oooh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaay! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, HEY!" I waltz to my closet, pulling out one of my jackets, a pair of gloves, and a hat. "Jingle bells, jingle bells..." and I start humming again. Who knew I actually knew the words to some of these songs?  
  
I look to the clock. It's only 9:30?! I have to wait for a whole hour and a half before I see Serena! What the hell should I do 'til then?  
  
I look around as I stop humming, placing my hands on my hips and glancing around my room. I head out into the hall and go into the kitchen. Clean. Living room? Clean. Bathroom? ...I don't care if it's not clean, I ain't cleanin' no bathroom before I go and see Serena!  
  
I carelessly flip over the back of my couch onto the cushions, pulling the remote control out from under me and turn on the TV. Oh yeah, this'll make the time go quickly. Yeah, right.  
  
I stare blankly at the TV, my thoughts involving only Serena in them. I can't help but smile...she's so wonderful! I hug one of my couch pillows close to my chest as the butterflies whip around my stomach again.  
  
What seemed like an hour later only turned out to be 10 minutes, according to my clock. "Damn!" I cry, rolling over and facing the back of my couch. It would be a long wait.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Finally, after what seems like a year, I decide to just leave twenty minutes before I really have to. I need to get out of my house before I do something drastic.  
  
Because I have a while and Serena's usually late for everything anyway, I take my time walking down to the Arcade. Okay, that's a lie. I practically sprint.  
  
So I get there 15 minutes early...who cares? I can talk with Andrew...but should I tell him about my newfound love for Serena? I debate the idea in my head. I know that he would say something along the lines of "I told you so!" and I'd never hear the end of it. But on the other side of the spectrum, I'm sure he would be happy for me and show me a ton of support. That's just how Andrew is. For some reason, though, my instincts tell me not to tell Andrew about my crush. For now, I'll just keep it to myself. If anyone has to know, I want it to be Serena, and I don't want Serena to find out about it from Andrew.  
  
I stumble into Crown, wrapping my arms tightly around my body in a desperate attempt to warm myself up. It sure has been getting cold these past few days! I look around the arcade as I make my way to my usual seat. When I look to see if Andrew's serving anyone, my heart leaps.  
  
Serena's here already!  
  
Oh, why didn't I get here sooner?! I wonder how long she's been here...she already has her milkshake and is happily indulged in it while she's talking to Andrew. I walk over to them quickly.  
  
"Hey guys!" I say happily. They both smile and say hello. I turn to Serena. "Ready for... what is it you have planned for today, anyway?"  
  
Serena smiles, and both her eyes and my heart light up. "Why, the mall of course!" she exclaims, "This way, we can shop for whoever you need to shop for and get you a bunch of fun new Christmas ornaments! I was thinking we could just go to different places in Tokyo, but it's much too cold to jump from place to place outside. The mall will probably be packed, but at least we'll be warm, right?"  
  
I smile and nod as Andrew hands me the hot chocolate I haven't even ordered yet. "Thanks," I say to him. It feels good to be in the company of your best friend and your crush.  
  
~*~*~  
  
After we had both finished our drinks we said goodbye to Andrew and set off. Andrew seemed really surprised that the two of us would be spending the day together, but I couldn't be happier as we walk down the street together toward the mall.  
  
"It is so cooolllddd!" Serena cries, running her hands up and down her sleeves. Oh, how I would love to just wrap my arms around her and keep her warm for the rest of our lives...  
  
"Here," I say, sliding my own jacket down my arms. It was damn cold, but at least Serena would be okay. I drape it over her shoulders, but she looks up at me with upset eyes.  
  
"Darien! It's way too cold for you to be without a jacket!"  
  
"Who are you, my mother?" I ask with a chuckle, "I'll be fine, I promise. Just keep warm."  
  
But by the time we get to the mall I think I'm going to go into hypothermia. I'm so grateful once we get into the warm building that I almost cry. My nose certainly cries. The drastic change of cold to hot makes it start running uncontrollably. How attractive to Serena, I'm sure.  
  
"So," I sniffled, "Where to first?"  
  
Serena takes off my coat and hands it to me with a thank you, and I don't hesitate putting it back on. I follow her into a Hallmark-type store, full of Christmas decorations and small gifts.  
  
"This is a great place to start!" she exclaims, as if she's the expert on Christmas, "Do you have any decorations at your house already?" I shake my head and she frowns. "Okay... let's start with lights and Christmas tree decorations!"  
  
She leads be to a long aisle of different colored Christmas lights. She points out which ones she likes, and I pick some white ones out of her selection. As we're looking at the different ornaments, I think about what we're going to do with all of this stuff.  
  
Wait a minute.  
  
A million thoughts flooded into my mind all at once. ...we're getting Christmas tree ornaments...they go on Christmas trees...we have to get a Christmas tree...and bring it back to my place...she said she'd help me decorate my tree...she's...we're going to my place together! After we get the tree! Alone!  
  
I'm dizzy with excitement and adrenaline. Soon, Serena and I would be alone in my apartment...and hopefully, that would be the best time to confess to her how much I love her. 


	4. The Favor

Lonely Christmas - Chapter 4 - The Favor  
  
"That's way too close!" Serena exclaims to me.  
  
We're in my apartment now, and she's caught me red-handed with trying to put an ornament too close to another on the Christmas tree. Who knew putting up and decorating a stupid tree was so much work? I wipe the sweat from my brow, sighing stressfully.  
  
Oh yes, we had quite an episode with this tree; what with putting up our stupid little pine-needled friend, vacuuming up the mess it made, and leaving it to stand sideways in the holder after numerous attempts to straighten it.  
  
But you know what? It's still one of the best moments of my life, right up there with today's shopping spree with Serena. I take the small ornament off the branch and place it on a neglected area of the tree, and Serena smiles in approval. I nod, reaching into the box to pull out another one of the new decorations.  
  
"We should watch the big Christmas tree lighting in town on Christmas Eve, Darien," she suggests.  
  
My heart practically bursts with just the thought of seeing her on another special occasion. "Definitely," I agree, smiling.  
  
"Let's promise that the night of the tree lighting, we'll meet by the bench in front of Crown...so you can see what a real Christmas tree decorating event looks like!"  
  
I just smile, thinking that nothing could be more perfect than the decorating we've been doing by ourselves.  
  
I catch myself staring at her with a goofy grin and, unsure of what to do with myself, dive back into the box. "So what are we going to do with this?" I ask, pulling a long garland out of the box. This thing is like a freaking magic trick from hell! I keep pulling, and the thing still does not have a visible end. Getting only a bit frustrated (and I say that in the most sarcastic tone I can muster), I pull the rest of the garland out with one large heave and toss it to the ground. "Damn!" I swear, but I can't help but laugh as I'm surrounded with green stuff.  
  
Serena covers her mouth and starts laughing so hard tears well up in her eyes. "You look like a Christmas tree!" she giggles, placing an ornament on my left ear.  
  
I chuckle. "I think I'm a better-looking tree then what we have set up, wouldn't you say? At least I'm standing up straight."  
  
She nods with another laugh and helps unravel the seemingly endless garland from my body. I stand there, watching her, and can't think of a time where I've had even half as much fun with someone...she truly is an angel on Earth.  
  
The entire time she's been here I've been awaiting the perfect time I can tell her my feelings...but alas, the time has still yet to come. We're too busy laughing, and the last thing I want to do is confess to her like: "Hey! (giggle, giggle) Betcha' didn't know... (hysterical laugh) ...I like you a whole lot! (roaring with laughter) ...Didja?"  
  
Yeah. That's a no-no.  
  
"Want some hot chocolate?" I ask her. I'm beginning to get a bit anxious now, as the tree is set up and almost completely decorated, and it's getting late. I know Serena will have to leave soon, but I made it one of my goals for today to tell her I love her at a moment that feels right. So what do I do? Try and create a 'right' moment, and get Serena to stay a bit longer.  
  
Serena nods happily, and I walk into my kitchen to get the teakettle. As I'm filling it with water, I can only smile at hearing Serena humming Christmas carols in the next room. It feels wonderful to have company at my place for once, and I'm ecstatic that that company is Serena.  
  
Already missing being in the presence of the girl, I set the kettle on the stove quickly and scramble back into the living room. She was just finishing up with the ornaments, and was quickly getting up to the one I wanted to put in a special place. Before she picks it up, I say softly, "Wait," and I approach her.  
  
I carefully slide my fingers over Serena's hand that's holding the rather large ornament, my digits lingering just briefly over her own as I look into her eyes and extract the decoration from her. I smile gently and get the same grin back, and at that moment I want nothing more than to lean in and kiss those beautiful pink lips, even if they do taste like peppermint from that lip balm she's been wearing all day. But I resist, and turn toward the tree.  
  
I know. I'm an ass.  
  
I cough almost silently, trying to break the awkward silence I've created, and reach up to the top center of the tree and place the ornament delicately upon the branch I've been saving. This ornament is by far my favorite: a white rabbit clutching a small bag of candy canes and presents lovingly in its arms, with a large Santa hat that falls clumsily down over one if its eyes. It reminded me of Serena even down to its goofy rabbit smile. ...is that a good thing?  
  
I fell back next to where Serena was standing and gaze up at the tree with her, a content smile quickly spreading across my lips. "It looks wonderful," Serena says, and I turn to her to look into those gorgeous blue orbs of hers...  
  
...and the teakettle whistles, of course.  
  
Wanting to chuck the damn thing out the window, I excuse myself and hurry back into the kitchen to take the blasted thing off the burner. I pour both of us a large mug and place some marshmallows into them, walking quickly back into the living room. Serena had turned off the lights and began to play the Christmas CD we had bought earlier. Now, the room was only lit by the white glow of the Christmas tree.  
  
My heart suddenly beating twice as quickly as before, I set down the mugs with not-so-stable hands and turn to face the smiling girl I've fallen absolutely head-over-heels for.  
  
The scene is perfect. We're facing each other, no more than three feet apart. Our eyes meet, and the CD is playing softly in the background.  
  
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
  
Let your heart be light,  
  
From now on our troubles  
  
Will be out of sight..."  
  
"May I...have...this dance?" I stutter, nearly inaudibly. Where did I get THAT from?! 'God...idiot. Idiot!' I scream in my head, 'Maybe she didn't hear you? You don't know how the hell to slow dance! What did you just get yourself into? Moron! Please don't say yes, I'm sorry, I'm...'  
  
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
  
Make the Yule-tide gay,  
  
From now on our troubles  
  
Will be miles away..."  
  
"You may," she says almost as silently, her smile broadening. Those words and that smile repeat in my mind, and suddenly I find my troubles 'out of sight'.  
  
So some of these songs to have truth to them...  
  
I swallow rather loudly and hope that she didn't hear me as I take her body close to my own. If she didn't hear my swallow, however, she can probably definitely hear my racing, screaming heart. I delicately place one hand on her side, the other wrapping its fingers around hers. Her hands are so warm and gentle against my own and I can't help but pull her closer to me until I feel her head fall lightly onto my chest.  
  
"Here we are as in olden days,  
  
Happy golden days of yore,  
  
Faithful friends who are dear to us  
  
Gather near to us once more..."  
  
Taking in the sweet scent of her hair, I close my eyes and forget all my paranoia about having two left feet. I find myself leading pretty well, but I can only imagine how disastrous it could have been if I was actually focusing on what I was doing. Instead, as usual, Serena floods all of my thoughts; the girl who is in my arms right now, dancing by the light of the most beautiful lop-sided Christmas tree I have ever seen. I feel her sigh happily in my arms, and I've never been happier in all my life.  
  
"Through the years  
  
We all will be together  
  
If the Fates allow,  
  
Hang a shining star  
  
On the highest bough,  
  
And have yourself  
  
A merry little Christmas now..."  
  
The song comes to an end all too quickly, and I open my eyes as Serena lifts her head from my chest. Our eyes meet again.  
  
This is the 'right' moment I've been waiting for.  
  
"Serena," I whisper, but at the same time Serena says in a regular tone, "Darien?"  
  
My body freezes with adrenaline again. "...yeah?" I ask, barely above a whisper only because my voice box is failing to produce any sounds.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" she asks, looking up into my eyes.  
  
"Anything," I reply, sounding a bit more confident. The truth was I was so nervous that I would probably go into cardiac arrest if she held out telling me what was on her mind any longer.  
  
"I would love you forever if..." she began, but paused.  
  
I ran a hand nervously through my hair, hanging on her every word. God woman, just say what you want to say before I have a heart attack!  
  
"...if..." she continues, "...you could possibly..."  
  
Yes? YES?!  
  
"...try and set me up with Andrew sometime? I didn't mean to ask so suddenly, but it is getting quite late, and I want to know as soon as..."  
  
She was saying more, but my head suddenly felt like it got hit with a very large sledgehammer, and as a result, somehow ruptured my heart. My whole body went numb, and my only thoughts were 'Andrew? She...she likes Andrew? ANDREW?' My eyes moved around in their sockets, desperately trying to make sense of the world around me as I felt my jaw drop a bit. 'This...this whole day...was that all she was after?'  
  
My whole world completely collapsed around me, taking all of the color out of my face with it I'm sure, considering I suddenly felt Serena shaking me with a very concerned tone in her voice. "Darien?! Darien?! Are you okay? Do you need to lay down?"  
  
I blink again. Some part of me is convinced that that whole situation did not just happen; that Serena was shaking me because I had passed out or something...but the rest of me knows the truth. "You...you want me to set you up with...with Andrew?" I ask, hearing my voice slightly falter.  
  
She nods with a weak smile. "Remember how I told you what I wanted for Christmas didn't come in a package? Well..." she looks down, blushing, "This is it. Please, Darien? For me? I would be the happiest person in the world..."  
  
She would be...happy? My heart feels like it's fatally ill and vomiting. "Umm..." I stuttered. It would make her happy...  
  
...that's really all I want for her...the girl I love with all that I am...she should be happy... because today she made me the happiest I've ever been...but...  
  
"Okay," I agree softly before my mind could argue the matter further. With a huge grin, Serena throws her arms around me and kisses me on the cheek. My cheeks burn.  
  
"Oh thank you, Darien! Thank you so much!" She releases me and skips over to the chair that holds her jacket, gloves, scarf, hat, and bag, and puts everything on with her bag slung over her shoulder. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Thank you again, Darien! You don't know how happy this makes me!" And with that, she gives me another quick hug before letting herself out, humming loudly again.  
  
It makes her happy...but does she know how torturous this will be to me? 


	5. Heartache

Lonely Christmas - Chapter 5 - Heartache  
  
I lay on my bed with one arm draped over my eyes, wallowing in self-pity. I've been doing this for quite some time, and it really does me no good, but I would rather lay here and rot than go and see Andrew...just the thought of his name makes me want to scream and punch the remaining fluff out of my already-beaten pillows.  
  
I begin to stir for the first time that morning, wiping the bangs away from my eyes with a sleeve wet from tears. See? I knew it...woman really do suck.  
  
...So why can't I bring myself to believe that about Serena?  
  
I don't think her intentions were to hurt me...perhaps she's still completely oblivious to the fact that I'm head-over-heels for her. God, I knew I should have said something way before it had gotten so late!  
  
I muster up enough strength to at least drag myself out of bed and into the living room. I'm overwhelmed by the smell of pine emanating from the Christmas tree, and just to the right of it it's snowing outside my large picture window. I stand there looking at the scene for a moment, taking in everything from the lights, to the decorations, to the snowmen outside, to the snowplow that just went by down the street.  
  
Oh, how I wish that snowplow would just scoop me up and plow me to hell.  
  
All of these things, these Christmas hoo-has and doo-dads...they no longer make me happy. I'm back to being a cross between the Scrooge and the Grinch, and I hate it. I want to go back in time, just to yesterday, where I didn't have a care in the world and was even planning on making a snowman of my very own, with Serena if she could come. But now, Serena will be spending all of her time with Andrew, and I, stupidly, volunteered to help.  
  
I sigh, turning away from the window and free-falling onto the couch, though I was half-hoping I'd miss and smack my head on the coffee table and die.  
  
I turn my head to the table and my eyes fix upon the two mugs of untouched hot chocolate. They, too, must be as cold as I feel. I look up to the ceiling and sigh heavily.  
  
Serena...  
  
I close my eyes as they begin to sting again, welling up with tears I am too tired to let go. I'm sick of crying. I hate it. The tears streaming down my face remind me of the awful childhood that's left me alone forever.  
  
And now that Serena doesn't want me, I've given up hope for my adult life as well.  
  
So begins another day as the Grinch/Scrooge, I suppose. I'm left to feel lonely from the tip of my nose, all the way to my toes. I'll get Andrew and Serena together, all right; then disappear from their lives, forever out of sight. They'll never realize I'm gone, those two; upon my name coming up, they'll ask, "Darien who?"  
  
And that's how Andrew stole my freaking Christmas. Or made me insane from making up that stupid rhyme.  
  
But this isn't about me, or Andrew stealing my Christmas. This is about Serena, and if I can't have my Christmas wish, then by gum, I'll give Serena hers.  
  
~*~*~  
  
It takes me a while longer to actually get motivated enough to emerge from my lair, but I do it, and soon I'm setting off toward Crown Arcade. You know, the place I used to actually enjoy going to, but now I'd burn it down if I could?  
  
'Think of Serena, Darien. Think of Serena...'  
  
How can I not, when she's been on my mind all the time? But now Andrew comes in and destroys all of these wonderful daydreams of mine, and I'm just left to wallow and drown in the pity I've made for myself. Again. It seems like that's all my life is about, and for a second or two, I thought that that was going to change; that Serena would be my guardian angel, and rescue me from the hole I've dug myself into all these years.  
  
But her heart belongs to someone else. Can I blame her? Up until this month I've been nothing but ruthless to her; I teased her, called her names, and just did anything to upset her for my own entertainment. Looking back on it, why did I ever find any of that amusing? God, I think I need to get a little more immature.  
  
The doors to Crown slide open with a whooshing sound and I blow in along with some snow. The floor at the entrance is wet and slippery, so I take my time making my way over to Andrew. That's my excuse for going so slowly, anyway.  
  
"Hey," I greet carelessly, plopping down on a stool as I slide my coat down my arms.  
  
Andrew smiles as if he doesn't know he's ruining my life. "Hey, Darien! Give me a second and I'll be right there with your hot chocolate, okay?"  
  
"Eh, no thanks, Andrew. Let me get an iced tea, okay?"  
  
Andrew shoots me a surprised look, but shrugs it off and turns around to get me my order. Yeah, that's right, changing it up a bit. Not used to it? Deal.  
  
Oooh, I'm so threatening with my iced tea.  
  
Because of the snow it's a bit of a slow day, so Andrew sets the iced tea down in front of me and takes a stool behind the counter. He sits down across from me, taking a rag to the already clean, fake-marble surface. Because he's too dense to think of anything better to do. This job rules his life. What does Serena see in him, anyway?  
  
"So..." I begin, hesitating by taking a sip of my beverage. I want to delay this process for as long as possible, as if Serena will come bursting through those stupid sliding doors, shout, 'Wait!' and tell me that she made a mistake; that Andrew isn't the one she wants, and she's secretly madly in love with me, and then we'd run away together and...  
  
"...So?" Andrew replies. I shoot him a look without even realizing it at first. Quickly, I retract it into a fake smile.  
  
"So I was thinking, y'know, since our last conversation about Serena," I explain slowly. How would I word this?  
  
"Yeah?" he asks. Shut up. Just shut up, will you?! This is hard enough as it is!  
  
"...do you like Serena? You know, like, like like her."  
  
Andrew's eyebrow raises and he looked up at the ceiling, as if this is some sort of trick question and he really needs to think about it. I roll my eyes, now out of his field of vision, as he looks like he's inspecting the drip stains above us. If he really needs to think about it, then obviously he doesn't love her as much as I.  
  
Another minute goes by before Andrew decides to snap out of his trance and look at me. He kinda had me convinced there that he had more of an infatuation with the stains on the ceiling than he could for any girl.  
  
And then those dreadful words roll of his tongue:  
  
"Yeah, I guess I do kinda like her."  
  
My mind began to spin again, though not as severely as the night before. Part of me was really expecting him to completely deny it, and that would be that. I would tell Serena that Andrew didn't like her, then go in for the kill. But of course, nothing really ever goes as planned. That little hope was what brought me to this step in the first place, and now it was gone.  
  
"...Oh," I stammer, rather surprised. Andrew asks me why, and very reluctantly I reply, "Because yesterday when I was with her, she told me she really liked you...and it would really make her happy if you took her out sometime..."  
  
I watched Andrew evaluate the situation based on the looks on his face. Surprised. Happy. A bit excited. Smiling. Confused. Happy again.  
  
"Maybe I'll take her out sometime!" he exclaims, a huge smile on his face. I feel like crying, or beating him up or something, as he thinks about his plan out loud. "Maybe I'll take her to see a movie, or take her out to a restaurant, or that amusement park downtown..."  
  
Idiot. Sure, Serena likes those things, but doesn't he know she would be much more content walking around town, or through the park? It's Christmas time. She LOVES Christmas time, especially watching other people enjoy it themselves. She wants to be outside, enjoying the moment...no cooped up in a movie theater or a restaurant, for heaven's sake...  
  
I just shrug, taking a large sip of my iced tea.  
  
"This is really great news, Darien. I can't believe she told you she likes me!" he wasn't half as excited as I would have been. "Wow, I can't wait until the next time she comes in here!"  
  
As if on cue, our favorite little blonde came skipping in just as Andrew was walking toward the entrance. Like I said before, the floor was very wet and slippery, and Serena didn't hesitate to begin falling seconds she got through the door. She let out a little yelp, her small form going toward the floor. I jumped up, eyes wide and arms extended to save her as I ran over.  
  
But Andrew catches her tightly in his arms.  
  
She's pressing against him, her slim arms wrapped tightly around his stomach area with her head to his chest. She's breathing heavily, looking down at the floor. I can see she recognizes the shoes she's gazing at and associates them with Andrew, therefore lingering longer than necessary in the man's strong hold on her. She stands up slowly, separating the two of them just a bit, so she can look up at his eyes and smile a sweet smile that makes my heart skip a beat. If only she looked at me like that...  
  
"Thank you..." she says softly, her cheeks red. I know it's not from the cold.  
  
I can't see anymore of this. I toss my money carelessly onto the counter and get up, walking past them without so much as a goodbye from either of them. 


	6. The Surprise

Lonely Christmas - Chapter 6 - The Surprise  
  
Let's see how many times I can hit my head on the wall before it starts hurting, shall we?  
  
One!  
  
Two!  
  
Three!  
  
Ouch...okay. Three's enough, three's enough.  
  
Though the pain to my head doesn't equal half of the pain weighing in my heart. I sigh, back in my lair again, watching more snow fall outside my window. Each flake flutters quickly past the panes of glass, and for a moment I find myself entranced in their unique little dance as they combine into one below my windowsill. I slam my head into the structure of my apartment one last time, my forehead leaning on the window as I look at the scene below. Again, children playing. What are they so happy about all the time?! It really chaps my a...  
  
...Andrew?  
  
I catch a quick glimpse of his eyes underneath the huge hat he's wearing. I highly doubt he can see, but if it's keeping him warm, all the more power to the idiot. And underneath that stupid striped scarf he's wearing I can't make out his expression...after all, I really didn't stick around the arcade yesterday to find out what happened. Half of me knows that Andrew and Serena, if they aren't together already, would be sometime in the near future. However, there's still that other half that's hanging on for dear life, and I am not about to let that go.  
  
I watch him intently, looking for any signs that could tell me what happened. There's no hop to his step, but he's not walking incredibly slowly, either. He's not swaying back and forth, which, knowing Andrew, meant he wasn't humming happily. I can see no dimples or any sign of smiling over that blasted scarf, nor can I tell anything by his eyes.  
  
'He would be happier if he had asked Serena out,' I think. So wait...he didn't ask her out? Or he did, and something happened? My heart skips a beat as my eyes widen. Serena...where could she be now?! Maybe she's upset? In need of comfort? Andrew hurt my Meatball Head?!  
  
I grab my coat and dash out the door.  
  
~*~*~  
  
I evaluate the situation as I violently swung open the door to my apartment complex. Something was wrong with Andrew. He was headed in the direction of both his house and the arcade, so he could be headed to either. He came from the direction of Serena's house. Serena is not with him.  
  
I walk very quickly past the large crowds of people hopping from store to store. I keep my eye out for either of the two, glancing in store windows and around the sidewalks. I could really use a homing device for the two of them.  
  
I pass Andrew's house, but there's no sign of life inside. The lights are off, the driveway not shoveled, and there are no footprints leading to his front door. I turn around and begin walking back, heading toward the arcade. I still don't know what happened. If I find Serena and begin to comfort her now, she may not know what I'm talking about and think I'm a lunatic...so I'll find out the details from Andrew first, comfort little Meatball Head later.  
  
On my way to the arcade, I pass a small gift shop with a few stuffed animals and tiny collectables pleading to be bought in the front window. I would have passed it right by if it wasn't for the little rabbit, similar- looking to the ornament I got, sitting there and staring up at me. It had the same goofy smile mine did, and wore a very similar Christmas hat, but was clutching a small stuffed crescent moon in its paws.  
  
Serena has to have it.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Walking out with the bunny in a red gift bag, my adrenaline rushes through my veins. I'm getting really anxious now, dieing to find out what happened between my two friends. I break into a sprint, pushing my way through oblivious shoppers, though keeping a protective arm around my present. As Crown Arcade is seen in the near distance, I stop my running. No need to show Andrew I'm antsy, right?  
  
Playing it smooth, and I mean that by stumbling into the doorway, I enter Crown Arcade. Lo and behold, Andrew is waiting behind the counter, waving like an eager puppy at me as I make my way to my usual stool. I set the bag down by my feet...there's no reason to show him what I got for Serena.  
  
We greet each other, and for a moment or two there's an awkward silence between us that I've never experienced before. We both knew what was on each other's minds, but neither wanted to be the one to ask.  
  
He clears his throat, turning away for a brief second before setting down an iced tea in front of me. Hmph...I want hot chocolate, but that's the least of my concerns. I become the one to break the ice.  
  
"So what happened? Did you ask her?"  
  
"Yeah, I asked her," he replies composedly. There is no grin, no light chuckle, no smooth raise of his eyebrows. He doesn't flinch.  
  
"...and?" I ask, a bit too quickly than I would have liked.  
  
His eyes shoot up to meet my own. "And," he continues, his eyes falling back onto the counter. It's then the grin spreads across his face, and my heart takes another nosedive onto a bed of spikes...I know the answer before he can utter the words. "Serena and I are officially a couple!"  
  
"That's great!" I exclaim, my heart groaning.  
  
Andrew smiles, his chest rising and falling quickly. A sigh of relief? "Yeah, I'm really happy about it," he says. Yeah, right. I'd be rising around on freaking cloud nine, and this kid waited a whole day before he even smiled about it, for Christ's sake. "We went to the movies just a little while ago, I took the whole morning off work, and I dropped her off at her house afterward."  
  
"And how'd that go?"  
  
"It went great. Really great!" he bragged. I wanted to punch him.  
  
"I'm glad you two had fun," I said through grit teeth I formed into a fake smile.  
  
"Yeah! You wanna come out with us later and celebrate?" he inquired. I looked up at him, eyebrow raised. He really was naiive to my feelings, wasn't he?  
  
"Eh, it's okay, I..."  
  
"Come on Darien, this'll be fun, I promise."  
  
"Yeah, but I..."  
  
"Come on, Darien! What do you have to lose?"  
  
I blink, pondering this for a moment. I look down at my iced tea, then up at him, and for some reason my heart told me to accept.  
  
"What time?" 


	7. Loneliness

Lonely Christmas - Chapter 7 - Loneliness  
  
Today I would be the third wheel to Andrew and Serena's second date...it sounds like a game show I would really rather not be on. How do I get myself into these things?  
  
I walk down the street toward the restaurant, Kohaku, Andrew had planned to go to. It was a pretty ritzy place for someone on Andrew's budget to go to, let alone treat their girlfriend to as well. I look down the street, though I still don't see them in sight as I near Kohaku. They had said 7:00, right? It was 7 now...this time, I didn't appear 20 minutes early out of excitement.  
  
Thinking maybe they're already inside, I trek up the stairs and into the dark, romantic restaurant. Japanese lanterns were the only light source around the tables, each shedding red or yellow light through their thin paper. The waitresses were dressed in kimonos with their hair tied up in tight buns. I caught the man at the podium looking at me curiously, and I strolled over.  
  
"I'm here to meet two of my friends," I explain, looking around for them as the man checks his book.  
  
"Ah, under the reservation of 'Andrew'?" the man asks. Andrew didn't give his last name instead of his first? I had to chuckle. I nod, and the man bows back and leads me to a small table in the corner. Obviously they're not here yet, and for some reason I feel a bit funny sitting in this place alone.  
  
A waitress comes immediately and asks if I would like something to drink, but I just shrug and order a glass of water. She politely nods and walks off.  
  
I play with my chopsticks between my fingers as I glance around the room. There are very few other tables with more than two people to them, and those who seated a couple make my heart ache. It's obvious every person in this restaurant is in love; even by the way they glance lovingly to their meal and back up at their partner. There are a few happy laughs here and there as the couples talk quietly amongst themselves, caressing each other's hands and even stealing a few kisses here and there. I thank God as my waitress comes back with my water, diverting my attention to the glass set in front of me. As she walks away, I desperately try to keep my attention on the water in front of me. I take a sip, swirl the contents in the glass, play with the ice...but then comes a laugh that I cannot ignore. My head shoots up immediately, gazing toward the entrance.  
  
I catch sight of Andrew and Serena immediately as they laugh together, waiting for the man in the front to seat them. I can't help but think that these two are unlike any of the other couples in the vicinity; they show no deep signs of love. Sure, they laugh together, but that's what friends always do, and that's what they appear to be. Just friends.  
  
My heart sighs in relief.  
  
Still, I know that they are 'officially' boyfriend and girlfriend, though I feel a bit more at ease knowing that maybe this relationship isn't right for either of them. As they approach, I smile broadly.  
  
"Hey, you two," I greet as Andrew takes off his coat. He sets it on the back of his chair and moves to sit down. This man is an idiot. I tap the table and our eyes meet, and I motion to him to help Serena with her own coat. Looking at me like I had seven heads, I sigh and get up as Andrew sits down. Hey, I'm not complaining as I smile to Serena and slide her coat off her slender arms. I see Andrew nodding, as if trying to remember to do that next time, but my attention is forever focused on the girl standing in front of me. I place the coat delicately upon the back of her chair and slide it out for her. She giggles, as if never been treated like a lady before (which amazes me), and sits before I slide her in. I take my own seat, and suddenly the beautiful atmosphere I had set between Serena and I is broken.  
  
"Boy, it sure is cold out there, eh?" Andrew says, looking a little uncomfortable at the events that had just taken place between his girlfriend and me. Serena and I both nod. "Were you waiting here long, Darien?" he asks me.  
  
"Huh? Eh, no, not really," I reply, taking a sip from my half-filled glass of water. I had been waiting for ten minutes, according to the clock on the wall. "Why were you two running late, anyway?"  
  
As Andrew tells me how they had gotten a little lost and ran into a few people they knew, the waitress fills two more glasses of water and sets them down before Serena and Andrew. I nod, only half-listening, as I'm given a menu.  
  
Serena is quickly glancing over the menu several times, as if she has no idea what to choose. I smile, glancing down at my own list of mouth- watering choices. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Serena's gentle hand reach out for my glass of water. Curious, I keep my gaze subtly set upon her as she picks up the glass and places it to her lips without thinking. She's too preoccupied with her food choices to even glance at the glass she had just picked up, and she sets it down again. I chuckle softly.  
  
There's light conversation as we continue to browse the menu. By now, Serena's gone through the list twenty times over with no choice in sight, and Andrew is trying to convince her to just close her eyes and place her finger on a random dish. Highly amused, I just sit back and take a sip of my water.  
  
Wait a minute...it tastes...like strawberry...lip-gloss?  
  
I blink, and then remember that Serena had taken a drink from my glass just minutes before. I lick my lips lightly, taking in the sweet strawberry taste again. Is that what it tasted like...if I were to kiss her? Suddenly my lips craved more.  
  
"Just get the obento box," I recommend to her, "It's got a ton of stuff in it, so you can get a little bit of everything." My mouth returns to the lip- gloss-stained side of my glass, my tongue lingering along the edge.  
  
Serena smiles and nods, and we're ready to order.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"So cheers," I say, holding up a small plaster cup of green tea...not exactly something very good to toast with, but it was slim pickin's at this table. But trust me, I would love to just drown myself in some hot sake right about now...just let my mind go completely numb to the way Andrew and Serena have been staring at each other all night, how Andrew looks at me almost triumphantly as Serena clings to his arm, how they glance down at each other when I'm in the middle of a story. The toast that I just made to them was completely bull, and they could probably tell by the annoyance and hesitation to say anything nice.  
  
"Cheers," they say together, clinking their glasses to mine in unison. Together. That's how they've been this whole night. But they're a couple, right? I've told myself that over and over again, and though my heart wants to tell me otherwise, my brain knows better. I'm better off never listening to my heart again...it brings me nothing but pain and suffering.  
  
Andrew and I get the check and split it, and the time spent tonight with the two of them have been the longest moments of my life. All I want to do is go back to my dark cave and wallow in self-pity.  
  
But no.  
  
"Let's all go to the park and get some ice cream!" Andrew suggests. Can I punch him? Please, can I punch him?  
  
Doesn't he know what this is doing to me?! He has to be able to tell by now...the way I look at Serena, the way I wince when they get close, how my lip has been quivering with the craving of Serena's kiss...I can't help any of this, and Andrew has had to have taken notice by now. Is he just trying to rub this in my face?  
  
"Yeah! Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!" Serena exclaims in a giddy voice, "Let's go get some ice cream! With sprinkles!" Her eyes light up and she gives me an adorable puppy-dog face.  
  
How can I say no to that?  
  
~*~*~  
  
Serena had devoured her ice cream before Andrew and I had barely started. She skipped ahead of us, humming happily.  
  
"She's happier than I've ever seen her," I say painfully to Andrew, taking a small nibble of ice cream. I lost my appetite long before my Japanese food even came.  
  
Andrew nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I'm really happy too," he says softly, looking at me. "Thanks for telling me she liked me so much, Darien. This has really made my holiday season...and I'm sure it's made Serena's as well."  
  
I find that familiar sting in the back of my eyes as I fake a smile and look down to the ground, walking to the beat of Serena's happy humming. Made their holidays, huh?  
  
...what about me? 


	8. Wallowing

Hey everyone!

Wow...it's definitely been a year since I last worked on this, and I'm really sorry about that! My mind wandered and I moved onto other things, but after coming back to and reading everyone's awesome reviews, I felt compelled to write more. This is kind of chapter 7.5 more than chapter 8, but I guess I'll leave it as chapter 8. This is just kind of a transition to get everyone back into the swing of the story, and hopefully I'll get more encouraging words to continue on. :)

Because it's been a year, I hope that you guys can see some improvements in my writing. I plan to have this complete by Christmas... I don't plan my stories out. I just sit and write them, so who knows how many more chapters I'll have before the end.

Enjoy!

Allie 

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**Lonely Christmas   
Chapter 8 - Wallowing**

Bed.

Usually the place where people go to get away from real life. They lay down, relax, drift off to sleep to dream about happy things... like cuddly puppies, flying, or meeting their favorite celebrities.

My dreams are about busting Andrew's face in.

I sigh, staring blankly at my ceiling. It's been a week since the Kohaku resturant incident, and I haven't been to Crown since that day. Andrew has not called, and Serena has not come over with more Christmas cheer. I'm much more depressed about that second one.

The mugs on the table have not moved, and I think the dissolved marshmallows and chocolate film have begun to grow mold. And this is me, totally not caring.

The lop-sided Christmas tree has begun to die, as I have not watered it in over a week. The needles have grown brown and a few ornaments have fallen, rolling across my living room and have hidden themselves underneath my couch. I think one or two of them have cracked on the floor as well. And this is me, totally not caring.

I couldn't tell you the real lyrics to "Jingle Bells" if I wanted to. The only version that comes to mind is the one with Batman smelling and Joker farting. And this is me, totally not caring.

The Christmas CD Serena gave me, the one that we danced to, has been sitting in my CD player since she bolted out the door. The CD that was playing when my entire world collapsed around me. The song that reminds be of how wonderful that night was, how badly I wanted to kiss that sweet girl's lips, is like poison to my ears. And this is me, and I can't help but care.

The snow is falling outside again. It's getting colder, and I know that that means Christmas is rapidly approaching. Christmas Eve is in a few days. I have decided not to go to the tree-lighting ceremony. The only reason I was going to go was because I wanted to spend as much time with Serena as I possibly could. Y'know. When she didn't have my heart on a string and hers was attached to someone else's.

I've seen them from a distance on the street a few times. It could just be me, but every time I see them I can't help but notice how awkward they look together. As if they feel obligated to be with each other, nothing more. The usual spark in Serena's eyes has receded to a quarter of their glow.

I think it's all in my head. They're happy. They'll freaking be together forever... and each day, memories of me will fade from both their minds... Andrew's mind will be constantly occupied with thoughts of Serena and vice versa.

I roll to my side, staring hard at the windowsill before me. I have never experienced something like this in my life, and I never want to again. To be rejected, to have to give the person you love to someone else, is something I would never wish on anyone, even on my worst enemy.

...well. Maybe on Andrew.

I'm bitter. I have been bitter, and I acknowledge that I've been bitter, but I can't help it. Can you blame me? ...can you honestly blame me?

I can't think like this forever. I decide to get my sorry ass out of bed and make my way into the kitchen. I wonder when the last time I ate was?

I fix myself a small meal and sit at my kitchen table, alone, as usual. The crunching of my food in my teeth echoes in my ears. It's the first sound I've heard in a while, other than my sighs, sniffles, and the occasional passing snowplow outside. My ears have become numb to the happy laughter of the kids playing outside, Christmas carols, and others. I'm convinced I'll be alone forever.

Won't someone... anyone... please help me...?

...Serena...


End file.
